Texts and Msns 19/10/04

SIM UPDATE: MY PHONE IS NO LONGER RECIEVING TEXTS (OR CALLS!)- I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I'M "BACK"...Check out the new section at the bottom for quotes from rl.

Texts

"I got dumped for a man called Gordon. No shit." (Peter)
"harsh! You ok? who dumped you? and can i use that text on text of the week?" (Me)
"I'll get Barry. Barry'll flatten 'im. Yeah, but Barry's a mate of Gordon's. Ah, I don't care. Yeah" (Peter)

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"I believe Loyd is the correct spelling in this instance" (Rich)

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"Hope the dog tutu is on top form tonight" (Tom - on Sex and the City)

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"What's your interview for?" (Me)
"As far as I can work out it's writing TV listings" (Alexa)

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"I have a word for you- Iraqulous" (Matt T)

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"Don't know if you're receiving texts, but I'm about to see Richard Herring recording his radio show. Guessing it'll be mediocre!" (Alistair)

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Msns0rz

#1 Eben

tom: had a long conversation with my officemate eben though. He said he wanted to write a paper with me (!)
Maus: woO!
tom: so that might come to something good
Maus: look at yoU!
Maus: and eben!
tom: he taught me some stuff on the whiteboard as well
tom: so i have made some tiny clevers today
Maus: are you sure his name is not "benny"

#2 Class act

Ben: i'll tell you how posh i am.
Ben: i can't wait to get back from italy so i can have a nice cup of gold blend
Maus: Hahaha. is that true?
Ben: yes!
Maus: ah!
Ben: i am lower middle class through and through
Ben: the class that no one wants to belong to
Maus: surely that's upper middle class
Ben: no.
Ben: if you're lmc you wnat to be in umc
Maus: what did your parents do?
Ben: middle management and school secretary
Maus: did you go to private school?
Ben: no!
Ben: what???
Maus: haha
Ben: of course not
Maus: ok just checking
Maus: did you have piano lessons
Ben: no
Ben: couldn't afford it
Ben: lmc!

and

Maus: so you should open a theme bar in london
Maus: for, like, alternative histories, or something
Ben: haha
Maus: or lemony snicket
Maus:
or, i dunno, something really self indulgent based on something you've worked on
Ben: haha
Ben: well that was all i ever put in my shows
Ben: planet kremlin
Ben: surgery surgery
Ben: etc
Ben: i'm sure there were more
Maus: open a bar themed on your edinburgh shows
Maus: the seats could light up from underneath
Ben: oh yes
Maus: and you could have a slideshow as the "visuals"
Ben: mmm
Maus: with your kingdom of the deaf joke
Maus: and up to four others
Ben: no more?
Ben: ok
Maus: no more
Maus: i have decided
Ben: the one about the tv show which is about hospitals helping with the effects of events
Ben: causality
Ben: i'd have to have that one

and

Ben: now the german tv channel is showing a cop show
Ben: and it's great because guess which plot they're doing?
Maus: erm
Ben: did you guess the femalee cop going undercover as a hooker?
Maus: hahah
Maus: no
Ben: you did?
Maus: yes!
Ben: well it's the number one plot of all cop shows the world over
Maus: right. wonder why.
Maus: do you know any german?
Ben: nein!
Maus: which nine words?


#3 complimental

Maus: on the second train this lady with a german accent came up to me
tom: uh-huh
Maus: and complimented me on YOUR CARD
Maus: which I have been making on the train
tom: hahah oh my GOD
Maus: your card. Or as we call it here in york, Yor:Card
tom: hahaha
Maus: she was sitting a bit away though- i don't think she could see it that well
Maus: which explains why she thought it looked ok
Maus: actually, she didn't say "ok"
tom: maybe she was making "ein konfuse"

#4 Educating Peter

Maus: you and melissa on and off and on and off and on
Peter: ive not really been dumped
Peter: nothing was happening for a while, then she started banging Gordon
Maus: you just wanted to make that joke
Peter: *one eye on the anecdote no matter what*

#5 Sex in York City

tom: "With us both now being single we’ve fallen back into some sort of semi-domestic platonic couple. Although one night after a trip to Ikea maybe we’d taken it just a little too far into domestic trudgery."
tom: much as i'd like to moan on about the poorly-formed sentences and stuff, that's all trumped by the observation that TRUDGERY ISN'T EVEN A WORD
Maus: YO1?
Maus: ah i am SO linking to sex in york city
tom: yeah it's a sidebar link if ever i saw one
Maus: havent read november's yet
tom: ah it's a treat baby
tom: brace yourself
Maus: perhaps i should write a parody of it and send it in
tom: It is lots of fun to be sure and make no mistake about it that is what you will find that it is!! Hope you enjoy it?
Maus: HAHAHHAHAHAH
tom: i love its inappropriate use of question marks too
tom: it's like the australian question intonation in rubbish written word form
Maus: perhaps my favourite part of SIYC is the photo
Maus: receding are we,sir?
tom: wiping his hair to one side with a flimsy, buttery sandwich
tom: "Why when we were in our early twenties, you would go out, even mid-week, stay up until 6.00am, get home, have a shower etc and be at work for 8.00am?"
tom: Yes, remember that, imagine that, what that was like, it was great?
Maus: hahahahaha
tom: god even the title
tom: Sex In York City?
tom: although maybe that confused tone is appropriate
tom: given the picture
Maus: hahaha
tom: i really laughed at "the wedding, by wedding standards, was very good"
tom: there are so many things wrong with that sentence
Maus: I'm going to ask if they need a new columnist
tom: excellent!
Maus: in case something terrible happens to their old one
Maus: "Anyway, it was at this point, having been in a conversation with my friend Sky, that Jeff decided to drop his trousers, and although a little shocked she managed to keep eye contact, while on the other hand Charlotte and I were giving her the thumbs up!!"
Maus: That's Sky Ferrey sub editor of the Yorkshire Evening Press
Maus: but the paragraph's meaning is impenetrable to me
Maus: "on the other hand...thumbs up"
Maus: unfortunate turn of phrase
Maus: the "thumb" hand?
tom: yeah i was trying to mentally reconstruct the scene in my head by reading that sentence but it was like some awful impossible collaboration between escher and picasso
tom: and my brain made a tiny hurt

#6 Shyness is nice

Maus: my brother came to your recording tonight and was too shy to talk to you
Rich: the shy idiot
Maus: no!
Maus: he is only 8
Rich: oh ok
Maus: that is a lie
Rich: the shy idiot
Maus: he is 26
Rich: he is still an idiot

and

Rich: I have to go and have a bath now
Rich: and then go out to the theatre
Rich: to see some experimental dance
Rich: i am cool
Maus: if not young
Maus: you can't have it all
Rich: anyway
Rich: i am going to get clean
Maus: have a good mental dance
Rich: you are welcome to imagine me having a bath
Maus: you can't scrub that filth off

#7 Peter's Friends

Maus: i'm looking through old friendster msgs
Maus: there is a conversation with me and alistair about a party you had last september
Peter: what's it say?
Maus: I said something like "Shall we take it in turns to send him Peter's friends jokes? hiiiiii Peter's party. Hope Stephen Fry goes"
Maus: Alistair said "Of course you're going. I hope to meet Tony Slattery."

and

Peter:i asked for a delorean
Peter: i need 30 big brands
Peter: which is like a years work
Pete: but a good incentive
Maus: christ
Maus: is that going to work?
Peter: yes. in actual fact 30 big clients is impossible
Peter: and they could just give me ten grand
Peter: but it's the idea of the delorean
Peter: imagine
Maus: imagine.

and

Peter: i used to jog round a girls house i fancied when i was about nine
Peter: she had a path going all the way round her house
Peter: id just jog round for hours
Peter: couldnt jog round now though
Peter: oh no

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NEW! Yor:Quotes - overheard in my flat

("Terrys" ad comes on telly)

Sandy: fuck off Dawn French. You know what her trouble is?
Me: she thinks she's all that?
Sandy: that's right. But you know what?
Me: she's not?
Sandy: Yes!
Me: She is most of it though.
Sandy: Yeah, she is quite a lot of it, granted.

and

Sandy: Is this a lime? (presenting rock solid "lime" to me)
Me: Is that supposed to be a lime? (banging it against the wall)
Sandy: Don't do that! You might damage it. The wall, I mean!
Me: I think you need a hack saw for that.
Sandy: Yes, maybe a l33t Hax0r.

and

Me: My left eye keeps watering.
Sandy: Maybe you're sad about something.

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