...of the week

Msn clipz0rz otw:

#1 Pete's drag gong

Peter: my boss wants to get a sales bell
Maus: what's that?
Peter: when anyone gets a sale, he bangs a big gong
Maus: seriously
Peter: Yeah really
Peter: its the behaviour of a cunt

and

#2 Do you mind?

Maus: i don't mind
Peter: I DONT MIND
Peter: i used to bet that you didnt care
Peter: but gambling never got me anywhere
Peter: wrong song
Maus: reality's a dream
Maus: a game in which i seem
Maus: to never find out just what i am
Peter: i dont know if im an actor or ham
Peter: a shaman or sham
Maus: but if you don't mind
Peter: i think you've got it in for me
Peter: OR IS IT ALL IN MY HEAD


#3 Nightlife, Ben, but not as we know it

Ben: star trek is a much better thing to have a bar based on
Maus: yes
Ben: you ever go to pages?
Maus: which pages?
Ben: the star trek bar in victoria
Maus: no never went there. not really into star trek
Ben: it's got the exact dimensions of ten forward
Ben: and th4e loo doors do the sssh noise
Ben: andd i honestly swear tto go heard someone say tthis
Ben: is this the queue? and i don't mean an omnipotent intergalactic being!
Ben: true story
Ben: swear to god
Ben: they haave videos from the shows edited to make it look like the cast are dancing
Ben: they serve blue romulan ale
Ben: and girls dress like uhura
Maus: i think you're making this up ben


#4 Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

Maus: christ, where was this stuff coming from?
Maus: "Why do you need to replace "no fashion" with a positive alternative? No-fashion as a negative still occupies a space, albeit a negative space. "
tom: i can't understand what is inherently inauthentic about the abstract concept of a pattern
Maus: see it made perfect sense to me at the time
Maus: sometimes i feel like roberta sparrow
tom: heh right
Maus: making clues for some apocalyptic teenaged saviour
tom: haha
tom: is it a me?
Maus: yes baby

---

Email of the week:

#1 Hardly amused

>From: Stefan Schafer

>I was just thinking of York - and by extension, you. I am currently doing a
study of 'age positive employers' - employers who employ old people despite their demonstrable frailty, essentially - at work and one of the fine institutions we are talking to is Yorkshire Water. As evidence of their age positivity, they have provided us with back issues of their in-house magazine 'Connections', with relevant articles highlighted. These magazines variously feature very boring photographs of people in meetings about water and Yorkshire-born Page 3 glamour model Nell McAndrew, the face of Yorkshire Water, posing amid vats of raw sewage.

#2 Just making a pun

>From: Ben Moor

i do not know barbareaellen barbaraellen.
i have made her sound like that girl in that movie that those two girls
wrote that song about.

---

Yor:Quotes

#1 A cute accent

Sandy: (comes in when I'm watching Wife Swap) Are they foreign?
Me: No, Sandy. They're Brummies.
Sandy: I meant the wife.
Me: She is from Yorkshire.

#2 A K pax-ent

Me: Ha! You are eating the WHOLE APPLE!
Tom: Yes, I am like K-Pax
Me: T-Pax
Tom: Tampax
Me: Hahaha!
Tom: What did Kevin Spacey eat whole in that film?

---

Email exchange of the week:

#1

>On Wed, 27 Oct 2004 08:45:18 +0100, Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK
Summerfield) wrote:

Your up early!

Dad

> From: leila johnston [mailto:lovemaus@gmail.com]
> Sent: 27 October 2004 08:52
> To: Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK Summerfield)
> Subject: Re:
>
>
> Yes, I have lots to do today.

Oh and it's "you're"

>On Wed, 27 Oct 2004 08:56:17 +0100, Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK
>Summerfield) wrote:
>
>Look - do you want my help or not

Nobody likes a smart arse

From: leila johnston
Sent: 27 October 2004 09:16
To: Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK Summerfield)
Subject: Re:

Is "do you want my help or not" a question? It appears to have lost its "?"

>On Wed, 27 Oct 2004 09:20:17 +0100, Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK
>Summerfield) wrote:
>
>Nope - it a threat

From: leila johnston
Sent: 27 October 2004 12:07
To: Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK Summerfield)
Subject: Re:

' "it's" a threat.'

---

#2

> From: Tom Sharp
> Sent: Wed, 27 October 2004 10:13:51
> To: leila johnston
> Subject: danger mouse

How was reception at the construction firm? I’ve done that as well.

> From: Tom Sharp
> Sent: Wed, 27 Oct 2004 11:23:54 +0100
> To: leila johnston
> Subject: Re: danger mouse

Decided against reception job as they clearly wanted a sloane with
straight hair and switchboard experience. All is not lost yet though- I'm meeting another agency person in Leeds on Monday, mysteriously, at the Queens Hotel. I feel
like a spy.


>From: Tom Sharp
>Date: Wed, 27 Oct 2004 11:40:05 +0100
>To: Tom Sharp
>Subject: Re: danger mouse

Wear a fedora and carry a copy of The Times with spaces in the crossword filled in with short cryptic phrases such as ‘the Ivy in my garden is fading fast’ and ‘our cuckoos egg has found its nest’

Your agency won’t know but it’ll make the meeting more exciting for you.


#2 Me and my Dad

> From: leila johnston
> Sent: 25 October 2004 09:43
> To: Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK Summerfield)
> Subject: Re:
>
>
>OK I have had a play with that picture in photoshop and tried to sort the colours out a bit- here you go.

On Mon, 25 Oct 2004 09:40:27 +0100, Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK
> Summerfield) wrote:
> >
> > Perhaps your screen has different colours from mine - but it is worse now

> From: leila johnston [mailto:lovemaus@gmail.com]
> Sent: 25 October 2004 09:43
> To: Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK Summerfield)
> Subject: Re:
>
>
> No, it is better.

On Mon, 25 Oct 2004 09:50:18 +0100, Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK
Summerfield) wrote:
>
> No, really, it is worse

> From: leila johnston [mailto:lovemaus@gmail.com]
> Sent: 25 October 2004 09:43
> To: Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK Summerfield)
> Subject: Re:
>
>
> Be realistic.


On Mon, 25 Oct 2004 09:50:18 +0100, Johnston, Ian (Roxel) (UK
Summerfield) wrote:

OK - to settle this I put both on the screen and we had a vote in the office

12 votes for the pink one
13 votes for the brown one

And everyone else was more interested in the good looking guy on the right

So - democracy has spoken and following the example of the last US elections - I win

Dad

PS I made all this up really


This is the funniest thing my dad has ever said.