...Of the Week

NB I now NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO MY ORANGE EMAIL ACCOUNT. At least I'm not the only one having problems with my phone though. Gmail if you need me

Yor: Quotes

Tom: That woman (on Temple of Doom) is awful.
(Woman on temple of Doom): " Oh no! I just cracked a nail!"
Me: That is annoying, in fairness.
Tom: Yes, I remember when I saw this as a kid thinking how all women must be really annoying and not understanding why Indie wanted to hang around with her.
Me: I meant cracking a nail is annoying. I was sympathising.


Me: I always forget that Kate Beckinsale is Richard Beckinsale's daughter.
Sandy: Who's Richard Beckinsale?
Me: The guy who died, in Porridge?
Sandy: The guy who died in porridge?
Me: Yes, you know. Ate too much porridge and died.

and

Sandy: I'm 25, my biological clock is ticking.
Me: Surely men don't have a biological clock in that way. They can still have kids when they're 80- they're in no rush.
Sandy: Depends how many you want.

and

Sandy: You're wise, Leila, that's one of the things I like about you.
Me: Nah, it's just an impression of wisdom. Like yoda. Or... Norman.

and

Sandy: Lots of birds in the garden today
Me: What kind?
Sandy: Black ones. I think they are "black birds". Like Scary Spice.
Me: Yes, she's a black bird.
Sandy: What would you call the jetsons if they were black?
Me: The jet blacksons?
Sandy: No. Niggers!
Me: Christ.

and

Me: Just replying to an email from Stefan
Sandy: Stephan Dennis?
Me: No. Not Stephan Daniels...er Dennis. Not Paul Daniels either.
Sandy: Stephan Dennis was in Wizbit?

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Msns

#1 Maus traps

Maus: I am a mini-famous
Maus: a famaus
Maus: a yorkmausmous
tom: hahah yes baby that is a you
tom: you are a that
Maus: if it was christmas i'd be a yorkmasmousmaus
tom: and i'm missing you so i'm making a yorkmasmousmausmiss
tom: xxxx
Maus: now you're making a yorkmasmousmausmisskiss


#2 Peter's puns

Peter: i saw your richard herring the other day on the telly
Maus: oh really?
Peter: and the smug one with the oversized head
Peter: on a prpgram about the simpsons
Maus: ah!
Peter: and i did say that's fucking leilas herring
Peter: herring must know an awful lot of fish puns
Maus: or NONE
Maus: perhaps he hates them
Peter: no, you'd love them
Maus: do you like headen puns?
Maus: i don't like leila puns
Peter: yes, i was going to be a teacher until i realised all the kids would call me mr hardon

and

Maus: my mag's out!
Peter: scan it man
Peter: send some to your dad to put on the fridge
Peter: "thats my fucking leilas work"
Peter: i bet he doesn't call you fucking leila like i do
Peter: it's affectionate by the way
Maus: and it is descriptive
Peter: you don't have sex. don't say that
Peter: shhhhhhhhhhhhh
Maus: ah
Peter: the only sex you are allowed to have in my head is with 8 bits made out of
lego
Peter: and that's not a lurid thought, by the way
Maus: no. it's certainly not weird in anyway
Maus: if anything, it's a premonition
Maus: no, it's perfectly normal
Peter: you and your fella just compare notes on joystick interfaces for vic-20s and whatnot.
Maus: how did you know?
Peter: and you ring each other up and say 'im dressed like manic miner. what would you do to me now?'
Maus: hahahhaha
Peter: 'well i'd wait half an hour to load then crash'

and

Peter: i really like the man who said iraqulous. i want to know more of these phrases. like braziliant. can you think of any?
Peter: it's got to be a place name crossed with a superlative
Maus: almost like sexellent
Peter: yes
Peter: essexellent
Maus: irantastic
Peter: god i love you
Peter: think of more plz
Maus: lower wicked
Peter: i think it has to be countries and one word
Peter: that's the rules
Maus: haha ok
Peter: irantastic is very good
Maus: thanks
Maus: wonderfulham
Maus: awesomalia

and

Peter: i am a teenage lesbian from the 50s trapped in a very stupid mans body
Maus: hahaha
Maus: i'm an old man from the 70s wrapped in a teenage boy from the 80s body
Peter: hahaahhaaaaaaaaaaa
Maus: you're enjoying that too much!


#3 Ben behaving Badly

Maus: i didn't know you were in men behaving badly
Ben: yes i was the bullygram
Ben: in the episode where something happened
Ben: and leslie ash said something
Ben: and caroline quentin tutted
Ben: and neil morrissey sighed
Ben: and martin clunes looked sad
Ben: you know the one


#4 Boule et Bill

Maus: french comics, like Boule et Bill
Maus: http://www.bdparadisio.com/boule.htm
Tom: haha aw
Maus: i love the dog
Tom: yeah!
Maus: i'm not sure if he is boule or bill
Tom: hahah
Maus: he says things
Tom: in french
Maus: like "WaAoieeeeeeeee!"
Tom: opti chien
Maus: "Ouaff ouaff!"
Tom: hahaha
Maus: seriously!
Tom: he wants an egg?!
Maus: No, he wants us to follow him.
Tom: i don't understand what he's doing to that tortoise
Maus: he is fanning himself in the heat
Tom: oh is that many instances of his right ear
Maus: OBVIOUSLY
Tom: i'm not up on the baffling french pictorial conventions
Tom: i thought he had enlarged some part of himself like a velociraptor
Maus: haha
Tom: in order to intimidate the tortoise
Maus: nah he doesnt need to
Maus: he just says "OUIAP OUIAP!!"
Tom: hahah
Tom: The boy in the picture above is making a gas
Maus: no he isn't?
Maus: it's a flower
Tom: oh
Tom: yeah you're right
Tom: god i am rubbish at french comics
Tom: good job you're helping
Maus: you are the worst at seeing

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Emails

From: Tom Sharp

> I can't really believe that there is anyone called Sky Ferrey. Sounds like a
> character out of Futurama or a mode of transport I would have 'invented' in
> 2nd year Science lessons when the teacher ran out of work and asked us all
> to design a poster.

and


Me> predictive speech is an excellent idea! Thanks for these Why Not Trys, I'll edit them heavily and put them online in a minute.

Tom> Are you editing heavily in revenge for any chopping I’ve done of your Blue article...or because most of them were shit?

Me> revenge, purely.

Tom> Excellent. Insidious, evil and Machiavellian – you’ll go far in media


From: Alistair Johnston

>I hope you are well. I am fine.

I dreamt last night that the IT manager here sat in a sealed-off
office at the back and looked at a big screen which showed every
window that we all had open. That was frightening.

I am fine.


From: Flock magazine

Hi Sauce,

The latest issue of Flock is out, including a feature on Sauce Magazine, and we would like to send you a copy, so can you email me back your postal address?

Many thanks, Sarah.



> hi sarah. It's ok, I already have about 15 copies. Ha ha.

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