OF THE WEEK

NB I now NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO MY ORANGE EMAIL ACCOUNT. At least I'm not the only one having problems with my phone though. Gmail if you need me


Msnz0rZ

"Oooh, that Bill Gates"
Tom: have you been to the zany building where i work dave
Tom: the zany billgatesian building
Maus: i like your edsac, tom
Tom: you say the sweetest things

Tom: are you playing hampsters dave?
Dave: i'm "being" hamsters
Tom: "making" hampsters
Maus: hehehe
Tom: BE THE (hampster) BALL
Dave: typing with my hands up in front of my chest
Dave: and stuffing seeds into my cheeks
Dave: well museli
Dave: it's all i have to hand
Maus: you have to be hampsters before you can make them, tom
Tom: ah leila you are right
Maus: dave as a hampster
Maus: it is quite a delighful image
Tom: yes, scampering around in his house full of wood shavings
Maus: discarded urls
Tom: his dave greenhouse, ha ha, ha ha ha, i am funny, ha ha
Maus: well done
Tom: thanks


Tom: i think you have conspired to have the oldest, most broken version of every chat program you use
Tom: possibly to the extent of uninstalling the current one and downloading a much older version from some kind of retro chatsoft site
Maus: haha
Tom: some kind of MSN client where everything is in monochrome courier
Tom: white on black
Tom: mode 7
Tom: 20 goto 10
Maus: now=time
Tom: haha
Tom: x$=get$
Maus: repeat until time= now + 5000
Maus: then goto 10
Tom: haha if x$="yes" then goto 30 else goto 10
Maus: haha
Maus: you know me well
Tom: oooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Maus: SOUND 0,15,7,150
Tom: ooooooooooeeeeeeeeee
Maus: 31 FOR P=100 TO 250/ 32 SOUND 1, -1, P, 1 / 33 NEXT P
Tom: haha
Tom: i love your BASICs
Maus: cheers
Maus: still no conclusions about the weekend
Dave: could you do this for me every evening?
Dave: it's better than little britain!


Dave: are you being especially amusing because i might "be watching"?
Dave: you love it!
Tom: hahah
Dave: you slaaags!
Maus: i'm dressed as luigi
Dave: ok, i guess not
Tom: i'm dressed as princess toadstool
Maus: that's not doing it for me Tom
Tom: ok
Tom: i'm dressed as bowser
Tom: he is the dragon who kept killing you
Dave: is this on GBA?
Maus: like netscape navigator?
Tom: yeah, NES CLASSIC EDITION BOOYA
Tom: haha web bowser

Peter: and she was saying she liked boys in bands
Peter: i got a bit angry and said funnymen were better
Peter: as any bell end can learn eight chords and put some rhymes in and look moody
Peter: or beat things rythmically with sticks
Peter: it takes a lifetime of pain and wonderment to stand on stage and tell fish puns
Maus: it is true
Peter: funnymen have soul
Peter: sole, rather

and

Peter: stuf francis from crackerjack died the other week
Maus: is that the presenter?
Peter: yes
Peter: i missed this , and its comic potential
Peter: "a dolls house fell on him"
Maus: hahahaha
Peter: "he was crushed by a grape " etc
Peter: no, he is dead, seriously
Peter: i missed that comedy boat
Maus: he couldn't box his way out of a paper bag?
Peter: "got wrestled to death by an action man"
Peter: got sadly unnoticed
Peter: not like rod hull
Peter: died in truly heroic comedy style
Maus: what a way to go
Maus: funeral was good...
Peter: reception was terrible!



Email

#1

Me: I'm still not sure where the essays end up but I've
found it prudent not to ask too many questions. I wrote one on Stanley
Spencer for them last week for £60 and I don't even know anything
about him.

Tom Sharp: Had glasses and painted pictures of his back garden. I think. Was he a vicar as well? You’re writing essays for students to copy! That’s what you’re doing.

Me: He wasn't a vicar, but he was "spiritual". Like everyone seems to be,
these days. So he was ahead of his time!

Tom Sharp: Like the Wright brothers. They were ahead of their time, flying in planes. Nowadays it’s almost commonplace.

#2 Two Toms good

Tom Sharp: it was extraordinarily remiss of you not to introduce him. He seemed like a very nice person, noble in many respects.

Me: Yes, he is lovely. He likes you, too.

Tom Sharp: He has excellent taste. I can see we are going to be quite the firmest of chums. Ask him if he wants to go camping in the Lakes with me sometime.

#3 Angst

Martin: Sorry about the lack of mail - I've been hanging with Dan in Kingston all weekend and his house is a bit stuck in the past - they've only just got teletext.

Me: No worries. Hope you've had fun with Dan, perhaps playing Bamber
boozle's quiz and reading "zine" on 404.

Martin: Without wishing to sound like an arse, I *think* you'll find The quiz is called Bamboozle but the host is "Bamber *Boozler*"... Do you remember Nick Fisher's teen problem page, "Angst" (maybe 446?)? Whilst quite amusing and occasionally titillating, it was more often than not an excuse to plug his book "Living With A Willy". If I remember correctly... Oh and Planet Sound too! The telextext page that got me into Britpop! Ah! The days before The Information Superhighway...

Me: You're right about Boozler, but my memory is poor and beggars can't be
chooslers. Of course I remember Angst. If it was 446, what was 444?

Martin: "beggars can't be chooslers." Excellent stuff. Of further interest is the fact that Cheggers can be a Boozer, and has battled his alcoholism for many years.

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Orwell or Swell -For the laziest/most meaningless use of the term "Orwellian" in the week's media

As "control", here's a really old one. It's NTK doing it the correct way.

Search page submitted by Tom. A surprising quantity of Orwells, even to me.

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Yor: Quotes

Me: Do you like pads of paper?
Tom: Yes, I really like them.
Me: Me too, they are so exciting. It's like being presented with a blank HTML editor.
Tom: Yes, or a new computer.

Watching a Lux hair product ad starring SJP

Tom: Is this advertising some sort of shampoo for dogs?
Me: Dog-poo?

Watching "Everything you want to know about sex..."

Me: This is my favourite Woody Allen sketch. And it doesn't have him in it!
Tom: Of course your favourite.


Me: If faces were sounds, Sally Phillips's face would be "shrill"
Tom: Where would the face be on Sally Phillips?