business as usual

Sms

Me: I had a dream you were a racing car driver and were going away to another country for the season. Is it true?
Amanda: Hello from Monaco. It's great out here, really warm. Had our time trials yesterday, I came 4th. Got the televised race tomorrow. Check me out I am the purple car.

Alistair: Who's the villain in the new italian job?
Me: Um...trick question? They're all villians? They're crooks! The judas figure is Ed Norton. I haven't seen it.
Alistair: I haven't seen it either but I made a bet with my boss that the judas wasn't john cusack. hiii five pounds.

"Boo! New laptop technology is for bug rubbish ones for boys, like tom's!"

"It's a terrible film. When I saw it in the cinema I was all 'Armageddon outta here!'"

[on 'ten years younger'] "I'm loving this extra 30 mins! It means they can focus on the process of completely demolishing the woman before (literally) building her back up"

"Wah! I've just bought an ibook! Hope I don't get mugged on the way home!"


Email

Tom Sharp: I must take some pictures of Dianaman's window. Not sure if he is gay, he
likes dead young women (Judy Garland as well) and he is very mother fixated. She was a nurse (we know this because he puts pictures of her up and copies of letters she received from her employers in the 60's). He has two dogs who he tells to 'ignore everyone' as they go on walks. He dresses as Santa from about November. At the bottom of the window display is a range of biscuit tins connected with an assortment of wires. I assume that this is some sort of 'listening' device. The whole display, and I mean the WHOLE display, is taking down at about 5pm every evening after which you can just see the blue flicker of a TV set in a darkened front room. A completely new display goes up early morning.

Me: you could do a photo advent calendar type thing with each window opening up to a
photo of a different day's display. How did your magic show go?

Tom Sharp: I won! So I am now the best mind reader in York.

Me: congratulations. Should we continue our correspondence telepathically?

Tom Sharp: I thought we were! Wasn't it you sending me those instructions?

Me: I can already see the flaws in this system.

Tom Sharp: Well you can explain things to the dead tramp. I wondered at the time why you wanted me to set him on fire.

Me: oh you meant the dead tramp thing? yeah, that was me.

Tom Sharp: Cool. The turnip was a nice touch.


Tim: The only places I go regularly to that use them are Lidl's and Morrisons. I will try to play with their trolleys more. I'm pretty sure that wiggling a bent paper clip will get the coins out of all the different designs. If the design is the sort that leaves the coin still visible, then a wire with a small block on
the end may be a good removable substitute for a coin. If the design is the sort that hides the coin, then I think stuffing the hole with paper might work. I haven't tried those two ideas, but I'll give them a go. I should go to Morrisons on Friday. Soon we'll be having all the free trolleys we can dream of.

Irc

tom: this space probe then: they launched it into space, it flew around for seven years, travelled 2.8 billion miles, visited a comet, collected a teaspoonful of dust and then landed back on earth
tom: they should have got jim carrey to carry that teaspoon to the waiting scientists
tom: pretending to stifle a sneeze, etc
tom: pretending to trip over
leila: norman wisdom
leila: edge of a swimming pool
leila: arms flailing
tom: past a fan in the office
leila: did they use an actual teaspoon then
tom: yes, how else would they get the exact quantity right
tom: this is SCIENCE leila
leila: milk?
leila: how many space moon dusts do you take again?
tom: hahah