if you don't put a comma before because then you're a bloody fool

e-mail whatever happened to that hyphen?

"I ran into your friend in Manchester the other night. Too sober to be
anything but hopelessly shy and rather starstruck I think I said about
4 words to him, but he chatted for a minute or two with the group I
was with. When he found out that I knew you, he took his pen and
struck your name from the back page of the programme he'd signed for
me, saying that you hadn't helped at all." [chris]

Texts

"Just seen someone wearing a Naf Naf coat! Haven't seen one of them in a while!"
"Hey! Autograph the men's label in Marks and Spencer is secretly pretty good!"
"Ate some cream cheese yesterday called "Creme Bonjour". Isn't that some filthy sexual act?"
"Our friend Brendan is on jools. In tweed, no less. Swit swoo!"[Matt and I drunkenly accosted Brendan Benson in a bar in York a few years ago. Famously, neither of us can remember anything at all about the episode other than that it happened and was pretty unspeakably hilarious]
"Watch Goldfrapp! The beardy one looks like general zog from superman 2. oh wait they finished"
"Look, i see that the sponsor for 'the gadget show' has thiefed, then mocked, the 'clockhat' concept. I felt wronged until I remembered it wasn't even my idea"
"I see Lucy Porter is on Test the Nation. Just like your Dad was!"
"Do you watch Rock School? It's like school of Rock but with Gene Simmons! You'd love it!"
"Headline from South London News: 'Brixton Squirrels on Crack'"

Msnz

Peter: update!
Peter: the girl who i said the marriage things relationship is on the rocks
Peter: as HE THINKS IM BANGING HER
Maus: uh oh
Maus: and are you?
Peter: of course not!
Peter: hell no
Peter: he thinks i was too nervous and touchy feely when i saw her!
Maus: that's just you, though, surely
Peter: and he thinks i was having a threesome with her and kate on saturday night
Maus: haha christ
Peter: he's living out all my fantasies

Maus: i heard a bit of you on quote unquote
Maus: i liked your colouring book joke
ben: haha
ben: i said that in the warm up
ben: they used it in the show
ben: to make me sound amusing
Maus: was it nigel rees?
ben: who hosted the programme? yes
Maus: http://www.fistoffun.net/book/63.htm
Maus: lee and/or herring don't seem to think much of him!
ben: herring was on his show!
Maus: haha
ben: neither of them are as good as they used to be
Maus: aw
ben: in 1987
Maus: haha
Maus: 7 raymonds?
ben: yes
Maus: i saw one of my articles in a magazine today
Maus: but it cost £2.50 and i didn't want the rest of the magazine
ben: hooray!
Maus: so i didn't buy it
ben: fair enough
Maus: i was funny about hitchcock heroines
ben: well done
Maus: thanks
ben: i am going to milan in the morning
Maus: you win

Ircz

<neorf> i heard the other day that the policeman from allo allo loves it when you go up to him and say "good moaning"
<maus> hahaha
<maus> i like to think that's been perpetuated by his enemies
<maus> because he actually hates it so much
<neorf> only got himself to blame though
<tom> heh
<maus> yeah fucking hell who'd recognise him
<neorf> like richard wilson
<maus> i don't believe ...you
<tom> http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0098284/
<neorf> peter baynham too
<tom> too gorgeous?
<maus> norman lovett is always getting mistaken for richard wilson now
<tom> haha
<tom> that arthur bostrom's not doing so well these days is he
<neorf> haha god, sure your face is long enough mate?
<tom> haha
<maus> haha hi de hi
<neorf> when i was reading richard herring's blog during one of his travelling show times, he always said about driving down the motorway
<neorf> and one time about a guy saying "you want the moon on a stick, you"
<tom> heh
<neorf> but that actually it was stewart lee who wanted that
<tom> i think that these twats should be fucking delighted that anyone at all recognises them
<tom> considering how totally z-list they all are
<maus> in fairness i think herring has the edge on bostrom
<tom> among a certain demographic, possibly
<neorf> well, i thought it would be good if i overtook him on the motorway to one of his gigs and shouted out the window "YOU can't even drive!"
<tom> the non-allo-allo-watching demographic
<tom> but come on, who doesn't know "good moaning"
<maus> neorf: hahaha
<tom> hehe
<neorf> i think he'd be chuffed about that though
<neorf> i would be
<maus> i wonder if bostrum hasn't worked much in the last 20 years because he's worried about being typecast as a french policeman
<tom> haha
<neorf> haha
<maus> i'm obsessed with bostrum now
<maus> i think we should campaign to get him back on our screens
<maus> or at least make him a website
<tom> or if every time he goes to audition for a part the casting director is always sniggering as he walks into the room and greets him by going "GOOD MOANING!!!" in a self-satisfied way like the man from off of the orange film board
<neorf> complete resume of "french policeman, gendarme, cop" etc
<maus> heheh
<neorf> hehe
<maus> fucking hell born 1955
<tom> heh
<maus> that's a good photo
<maus> or an old photo
<tom> luckily he hasn't popped his clogs yet
<tom> so there's still some "good mourning" yet to come
<maus> hahaha very good
<neorf> i bet he signed up to imdbpro to get that photo on there, in aid to get more work
<tom> it's certainly worked hasn't it
<tom> poor bostrum
<tom> if i have a son i shall call him bostrum
<neorf> hehe
<neorf> why not a daughter?
<tom> be serious