The poor man's popbitch

Sms I really should delete some messages off my phone one day. Apologies if you've seen any of these before, my memory is not what it was. I've missed the names off this time, but it's hardly taxing.


"If I sign up twenty blue chips work will buy me a delorean. Will you go out with me then?"

"The cleaner started today. Of course I forgot to hide the dildo. Of course she left it on the shelf"

"Yes! It's true! With craig charles and adrian from Bread! True true true!"

"Howard from Take That lives in my block too. Im not making this up"

"You want to arse the parlourmaid? Fart the hit parade? Loving Fry and Laurie on Paramount. Roy Hattersley wants me to pass him an eiderdown?"

"Just saw Helen Young on the weather. She is thin and fi-it and looks real fine and so cheerful and apregnant!"

"Chris Packham's on BBC1 soon!"

"Of course I just sent you a badly written text meant for Jane!"

"Well I have a mate and he has guinea pigs and rabbits and claims the gp had a deformed baby that died. So he reckons they mated. But he did once claim a meteor hit him"

"Heard Herring? He's on tedious pseudo intellectual radio 4 panel show Quote Unquote alongside, amongst others, Germaine Greer"

"I love Dorset. It's like London but everyone's old and the houses are all spread out"

"I saw Tim Westwood driving a massive SUV on Oxford St today. His number plate is W1 RAP"


rl

Tom: Lord Fitt has died.
Me: Who's Lord Fitt?
Tom: I don't know, Stewart Lee?


About the size of


- About the size of a Kookaburra or larger

- about the size of your thumb at arms length

- Through the telescope it is a green, featureless
world, about the size of Uranus

(all Tim W)