hamster walks

These date back over quite a few weeks but it's the first chance I've had to really compile something, so i've just used what i've been saving up. Hopefully nothing is too dated! Enjoy.

Email

Tom Sharp Due to the nature of your work I'm imagining you have an ancient computer housed in an oak bureau with inlayed leaf motif.

Me: My computer is actually the worst thing about my job. It used to be the grey filing cabinets behind my desk, but now I have a Guardian amphibians wallchart stuck up there. Have you been watching Prison Break? They are exactly like the cabinets the detective has in his office in that. I laughed to myself this morning, imagining printing out and sticking up a row of headshots of the 6 escaped cons. I'd have to put a cross through one of them now, though, and tear down another one in a fit of rage, if I'm really getting into character.

Just told a PR if they could help me by tomorrow lunchtime I'd be "eternally grateful" ...Sake! It's their only job!

Pah. That's nothing. I finished a three hour meeting this lunchtime by agreeing with a conference events manager that I would 'liaise with Derek over signage'

Anyway. Don't criticise them. The path from impoverished journalist to well paid PR is well trodden and, dare I say it, almost inevitable.

[later]

Me: are you enjoying your old pal Dan Atkinson on 'The Law of the Playground'? he's looking a bit scruffy

Tom Sharp: Have only seen him a couple of times. Yes, scruffy is his thing. His grandmother once told him he looked like an Amish rapist.

Chats

[maus] hi. i'm a mac
[chelsea] and i'm a pc
[maus] hey are you talking to mr moor
he was talking to us
then he asked for your gmail
then he had to go
i joined the dots on that one, i can tell you
[chelsea] not currently talking to him... hahaah
[maus] Have you seen this?
[chelsea] are you trying to say i'm white and nerdy?
[me] ....no
[chelsea] cause i'm not - i would choose picard in a second


the start of a beautiful friendship

[chelsea] we took turns taking pictures of little tiny plastic babies doing various things
[maus] hahaha. brilliant
[chelsea] he took the little plastic baby to edinburgh... i think it was 2003 There are two there --- one at the top and one if you scroll down a bit...
[maus] haha that is hilarious. much smaller than i imagined
[chelsea] yes, those are the good ones. harder to find.


language barriers

[chelsea] leila - i'm "rubbish" at that sort of humor...
[chelsea] (see - i'm so british!)
[ben] leave it out!
[chelsea] what?
[ben] that's british
[maus] you don't say rubbish in america?
[chelsea] no. i mean - people would understand it, but no one says it if they're american
[maus] heh, christ
[maus] do you say "sucks" instead
[chelsea] yep. "i suck at that"
[maus] i thought that was just beavis and butthead
[chelsea] ahaha
[ben] i must leave
[chelsea] jerk
[chelsea] you never spend any time with me
[ben] you're the jerk
[ben] jerkin
[ben] jerk chicken
[chelsea] "jerked" chicken
[ben moor] jerkel
[ben] pinky and jerky
[chelsea] dr. jerkel and mr. hyde
[ben] chancellor angela jerkel of germ
[ben] i got signed out by bill gates
[maus] bill jerks
[chelsea] see ya later, jerk
[ben] run away to the jerkus chelsea
[chelsea] what - do you ahve to go eat fish fingers now?
[ben] hahaa
[maus] with andy jerkis?
[ben] yeah
[maus] make your mashed potato in that mountain from close encounters
[ben] i had mash!
[maus] i know
[chelsea] what the hell is that
[ben] and mackerel
[chelsea] jerkerel
[maus] haha
[ben] haha


The blank of blank

[chris] I thought of a way to objectively measure any famous or historical person's impact or importance...say, john cleese
[chris] you google for "the john cleese of" and count the number of times somebody is said to be the john cleese of something, and what they are the john cleese of. for instance "the john cleese of the paparazzi" "the john cleese of windsor" and "the john cleese of the avian world" are all on the first page
[maus] haha! great
[chris] 17 hits for him. whereas there are 21 hits for the eric idle of something including "the eric idle of atheism" and "the eric idle of the tuba" proving, possibly counterintuitively, that eric idle is bigger than john cleese
[maus] haha
[chris] "the winston churchill of southeast asia" "the winston churchill of weblogs" "the winston churchill of reggae" "the winston churchill of the dog world"
[chris] hey delia smith is bigger than both cleese and churchill
"the delia smith of molecular biology"
"the Delia Smith of serial sex murderesses"
"the Delia Smith of Europuddings"
it is the only 100% accurate way of measuring anybody's importance and seminality in their field
[maus] heh you are choosing good ones. it's like my "about the size of" contest
[chris] it is. we are both celebrating cliche
and lazy copywriting
in our own way
[maus] yes
[chris] we are the chris tarrants of the written word


part two...

[maus] i can't believe you called the orson wells of punk alan titchmarsh
[Chris] "the Orson Welles of comics" "the Orson Welles of South Korea" "the Orson Welles of slutty-dressed pop stars" "the Orson Welles of Object-Oriented Programming"
[maus] alright alright
[Chris] after that I also found "the Orson Welles of porn"
[maus] haha
the OW of jane eyre is there i see
and - hehe - "the orson wells of cliches"!
[Chris] hahaha