If You're Trapped

...in a horror film

• don't answer the phone
• don't let your dog off the leash/out of site
• don't worry about your kids. The cute ones will be OK, and any annoying teenage boyfriends will buy it
• don't have a shower. However bad you smell, you will smell worse DEAD
• if you feel curious about anything, it's best not to act on it
  
• don't leave the house
• don't stay in the house
• don't expect your unborn child to make it, or if they do, don't expect them to be 100% mortal
• don't be a young couple in love, in a car, at the beginning
• don't be a friendly but ultimately sacrificial cop
• don't look in any mirrors, it's not worth the risk
  
• don't go back for anyone
• don't stop the car to investigate something unexpected
  
• don't ignore the old sage's warnings
• don't take pity on anyone, all is not what it seems
• don't forget about the nerdy one, they'll know the way out
• don't stay at a run-down hotel, even if it's the only one on the road and it wasn't there last time you drove up this way. It's always worth driving a little further for a Holiday Inn.
• don't ignore strange dreams
  
• don't have been looking forward to this weekend away for ages